How to Overcome People-Pleasing and Unleash Your Creativity

People-Pleasing : The Hidden Prison of Being “Nice”

You’ve spent years trying to be easy to love.

You’ve softened your tone.
Muted your brilliance.
Chosen what’s acceptable over what’s true.

And for a while, maybe it worked. Maybe it kept the peace. Maybe it helped you feel safe. Maybe it made you feel needed, valued, or even admired.

But it came at a cost.

Because whilst you were trying to be what others wanted, something in you slowly went quiet.

Your creative spark. Your wildness. Your desire to speak and express and move and make.
That part of you was never meant to be domesticated, and yet here you are, wondering why it feels so hard to access your creativity, your voice, your truth.

If this resonates, you’re not alone. So many soulful women carry the weight of people-pleasing. It shows up in our relationships, our nervous systems, and most painfully, in our creative blocks.

But it doesn’t have to stay that way.

This is a gentle, grounded guide to help you understand how people-pleasing dims your creative light, and how to begin reclaiming your freedom – one honest breath, one imperfect expression, one small act of courage at a time.

Understanding People-Pleasing: More Than Just Being Nice

People-pleasing isn’t just about being nice.

It’s about survival.

Most of us developed people-pleasing behaviours as children. We learnt that love, approval, or safety came when we met certain expectations:

Stay quiet.

Don’t rock the boat.

Be agreeable.

Anticipate others’ needs before your own.

These patterns become internalised. Over time, they show up in ways that feel like personality traits, but are actually protective adaptations.

You might say:

“I’m just easy-going.”

“I don’t want to be a burden.”

“I’m really empathetic – I just feel what others need.”

“I’m bad at setting boundaries.”

But underneath those statements is often a deeper truth:
Somewhere along the way, it didn’t feel safe to be fully yourself.

People-pleasing is the learnt behaviour of choosing connection over authenticity. And for many of us, that choice was not optional – it was necessary.

So before anything else, let’s acknowledge this:

People-pleasing is not a flaw.
It’s a sign that you once did what you needed to do in order to belong.

But now, if it’s hurting more than it’s helping, you’re allowed to choose differently.

How People-Pleasing Destroys Your Creative Expression

Creativity thrives on truth, risk, and self-trust.

People-pleasing thrives on performance, approval, and control.

You can already feel the tension, can’t you?

Trying to create whilst managing everyone’s expectations is like trying to dance whilst carrying a fragile tray above your head. It’s exhausting, and you can never truly let go.

Let’s look at how people-pleasing sabotages the creative process:

Self-Censorship Before You Even Begin

Before the words even reach the page, you’ve already filtered them.
Before the brush touches the canvas, you’ve edited the idea in your mind.

You’re so used to wondering what others will think that your creative energy is intercepted before it even becomes form.

Perfectionism as a Creativity Killer

You want it to be good. Not just good, but perfect. Why? Because if it’s perfect, maybe no one will criticise it. Maybe no one will leave. Maybe it will finally be safe to be seen.

But perfectionism is a creativity killer. It strangles spontaneity and silences authenticity. It tells you to wait until it’s ready, but it’s never ready.

Over-Identifying with Your “Role”

You might have become the caretaker, the fixer, the listener, the rock. These roles leave little room for you to be messy, uncertain, or expressive.

When your identity is rooted in being what others need, creating for yourself can feel selfish or even threatening.

Nervous System Dysregulation

People-pleasing often comes with chronic vigilance. You’re scanning for others’ reactions, trying to pre-empt discomfort or disapproval. This hyper-awareness keeps your nervous system in a state of alert, which blocks access to creative flow.

In short, people-pleasing shuts down the part of you that creates from joy, instinct, curiosity, and soul.

Why Highly Sensitive People Struggle Most with Creative Blocks

If you’re someone who feels everything deeply, who picks up on energy and emotion without being told, people-pleasing might have felt like second nature.

You didn’t just learn it. You lived it.

You felt responsible for the emotional atmosphere in your home. You made yourself small to protect others. You became the emotional sponge, absorbing pain that wasn’t yours and smiling through it.

But deep sensitivity is not a problem. It is a gift.

The issue isn’t your ability to feel. It’s that you were never shown how to protect your sensitivity with boundaries and self-trust.

As a result, your creativity (that deeply sensitive, deeply personal force) became entangled in fear.

Fear of being too much.
Fear of being misunderstood.
Fear of being rejected for telling the truth.

And so you held it all in.

Creating Safety for Your Creative Expression

To create freely, your body must feel safe.

This isn’t just poetic – it’s physiological.

When your nervous system perceives a threat (emotional or physical), it activates survival modes like fight, flight, or freeze. In these states, your creative brain is shut down. Your body is focused on protecting you, not expressing you.

This means that healing from people-pleasing and reclaiming your creativity are not just mindset shifts. They’re somatic.

You can’t force yourself into creative freedom.
You have to create safety first.

Some gentle ways to begin:

Breathe deeply and slowly before you create. Let your body know it’s safe.

Place a hand over your heart or belly and affirm: “I’m allowed to be fully myself here.”

Set the intention that your creative space is a judgement-free zone.

Create without sharing. Make it just for you.

The more safety you create for your inner world, the more your creativity will begin to unfold naturally.

Practical Steps to Stop People-Pleasing and Start Creating

You don’t need to blow up your life to stop people-pleasing.
You just need to start telling the truth – softly, steadily, and with love.

Here are some ways to begin:

Notice When You Abandon Yourself

Every time you say yes when you mean no, or change your tone to avoid tension, pause.

Ask yourself:

“What am I afraid will happen if I say what I really feel?”

“What would I say if I trusted that I could handle their reaction?”

Awareness is the first step towards freedom.

Reclaim Your Needs and Desires

People-pleasers often lose touch with what they actually want. They’re so used to tuning into others that they forget to listen inward.

Start small:

What would feel good today?

What would I create if no one ever saw it?

What is my body asking for right now?

These questions rebuild the bridge back to yourself.

Create Without Asking Permission

Pick up the brush, the pen, the voice recorder. Do not wait until someone says it’s okay.

Make something selfishly, imperfectly, impulsively. This act alone is a rebellion against people-pleasing.

Let People Have Their Reactions

One of the hardest parts of recovering from people-pleasing is letting go of the need to control how others perceive you.

Not everyone will approve of your voice, your art, your truth. That’s okay.

Their discomfort is not your emergency. Your job is to stay connected to yourself, not to manage other people’s emotions.

This is what creative freedom requires: the courage to be misunderstood.

What Creative Freedom Actually Feels Like

Creative freedom isn’t about being bold all the time.

It’s about being honest.

It feels like:

Making something without needing it to be perfect
Sharing your voice even when it trembles
Following your curiosity instead of the rules
Saying, “This is me,” without apology
It feels tender. Scary. Empowering. Alive.
It feels like coming home.

And the more you practise, the easier it becomes. You start to notice:

You’re less drained in conversations
You stop editing yourself in your journal
You create without thinking about your audience first
You speak up when something doesn’t feel right
You feel proud of your voice – even when it’s shaky

This is the return to your real self. Not the version shaped by survival. But the one who has always lived underneath.

From Approval to Authentic Creative Expression

Your creative freedom isn’t waiting on anyone’s approval.

It’s waiting on your alignment.

You don’t need to become fearless.
You just need to stop putting everyone else’s comfort above your own truth.

This isn’t about becoming someone new.
It’s about remembering who you were before you learnt to hide.

You were never too much. You were never broken.
You were just trained to believe that self-expression was dangerous.

But now, you get to choose again.

Create something today – not because it’s good, not because it’s ready, not because anyone asked. Create it because it’s yours. That’s the beginning of freedom.

As always, I’m here if you have a question or would like some support send me a quick message and I’ll get back to you as quickly as I can. Until then, take care.

With much love, Maria.